Free Food

I get free meals at the hospital. Every morning I go through the line and get the same thing: 2 hard-boiled eggs. It is the only gluten-free thing they have that I can see besides the Gatorade and tired, tasteless apples brought out of storage from last winter. And every morning the lady who serves me the eggs says with surprise, "is that all? Are you sure? You're so tiny." Either she is determined to get me to gain the intern 15 before my rotation ends, or she is just baffled by my order after serving orders along the lines of "1 cheese omlette, 2 hashbrowns, 3 sausages, 3 strips of bacon, and a cinnamon bun, to go please." Just because you work at a hospital doesn't mean you eat healthy food.

Save The Tree Octopus

This site is hilarious. I love it. Apparently, it was made as part of an experiment where college students were asked to visit the site and evaluate whether it was a reliable source of information. You can see what the study showed in this article if you want.

Quote of the Day

On the bus:

Elderly-looking but probably only in her mid-50s toothless woman (to no one in particular): I like to shop at Big Lots. Love my Big Lots. They got some good deals and some rip-offs. I can get my Lite Beer for $4 for a 6-pack.

(long pause)

You gotta be careful though. Or else you can leave with $100 of stuff you didn't intend on buying.

Flat (Tire) Broke

I stepped off the bus today to find a rather disheveled looking man with wild, tangled jet black hair circling around and around the bus stop on a broken child's bicycle with a sagging rear tire. He was singing:

(to the tune of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow")

No tengo nada dinero,
No tengo nada dinero,
No tengo nada dinero,
dinero, dinero, dinero.

Damn Computer

I was playing around with the CD that the USMLE sent me for taking Step 3. On Step 3 there are these simulated patients that you have to manage in 25 minutes. I had no idea what I was doing with the software and the little tutorial did not help much. My case was an ED patient with shortness of breath who clearly had tension pneumothorax. I was trying to manage him and all of the sudden the computer says:

"Your patient is lying very still. He is gasping for breath. He is unresponsive."

Damn, I think in other words they are trying to tell me I killed the patient.

You Get What You Pay For

It has been a busy week but I finally have some time to sit down and ponder the funny moments of the past few days. The week started with quite a bang literally. We'll get to that. On Saturday I headed out of the city to attend a medical conference at a resort destination not too far from here. Since I just started residency, I could not get the time off to attend the whole conference. But a mentor of mine suggested I come down for the final part of it to do some networking. By the time I made this plan, all of the lodging for the conference was full and all of the hotels/motel in the immediate vicinity were booked as well. The few rooms I could find were very pricey--like over $150.00/night to stay at the Howard Johnson's. Then I found a deal. Only $99/night, steps from the ocean, underground parking. Right. I knew something had to be wrong with it, so I read some reviews and it sounded like it if you just wanted a clean, basic room with a decent bed to sleep on for a night, this was the place.

As we drove into the area where the motel was, I suddenly saw this three story pink monstrosity coming into view. The building was bright, florescent pink--like the color of a pink plastic lawn flamingo-- except in areas where the stucco was peeling off to reveal a barf orange color cement wall. There was a dry mermaid fountain in front with the paint peeling off the mermaid's face to give her the appearance of a cyclops. My stomach sank because I knew it was our hotel.

We checked in and were told we were "upgraded" to the second floor. As we opened the door to the room it smashed into the bed which was scrunched up against the door. After squeezing into the room, we noted that the television was precariously bolted to the ceiling in the middle of the room and looked like it would come crashing down in even the smallest of earthquakes. The sink and surrounding counter were only about three feet off the ground. It was so low that the motel had provided a small, dirty stool with stuffing coming out of the seat for us to sit on to use the sink. The sheets had cigarette burns in them, the couch had some mysterious stains on its sagging pillows, and there were small signs adorning items like the alarm clock that read, "unauthorized removal of this item from the room will result in charges to your account."
Luckily, there was not time to stay long as we had to get over to the conference. Out the door we headed hoping that the room would seem better when we got back late that night to sleep.

...

When we arrived around midnight we noted that the outside parking lot was full and we needed to pull into the underground parking garage. In we went and to our horror found that a big chunk of it was flooded. That was where the remaining normal parking spots were. Having a tiny car, however, we managed to squeeze into a spot in a drier area that was next a huge SUV taking up its spot and almost half of ours. Relieved to have fit, we jumped over the water and made it into the elevator. Up we went.. and then we stopped on the first floor. Into the elevator stepped a very drunk couple. They seemed shocked to see us and began asking us if we had just come from a bar that we could recommend to them. Sorry, we told them, we don't know bars in the area. The elevator stopped on the second floor and we got out of the elevator. The couple followed us down the walkway, staggering and laughing. As we tried to open the door to our room around the bed, I noticed that the couple was going into the room next to ours. This could be bad if they stay up and are loud, I thought.

We got in and decided to watch a movie for a bit. We could hear the couple talking since the walls were paper thin, but they soon stopped. Maybe they passed out. The bed sucked but it was late so we decided to stop the movie and get some sleep so we could jet out of there early the next morning.

...

Bang, bang, bang, bang, squeak, squeak, squeak, bang, bang. What the hell is that? I bolted up in bed and saw that it was 6 am. Suddenly, I realized it was the couple next door having sex on the other side of the paper-thin wall. They were so loud. I put in earplugs and I could still hear them. That was it. We were done. We got up, packed our bags and left our tiny room with the couple squeaking, banging, and moaning away in the pink monstrosity by the beach.

You Had a Bad Week

On a Crowded Hospital Shuttle

Resident (on cell phone): I'm on the bus and it's crowded, so I have to talk quietly.

There is a moment of silence as the person on the other end of the line talks.

Resident (in an even louder voice than before): It's going well, I'm glad to be here, but it has been a rough week.

Another pause as the other person talks.

Resident (even more loudly so it is hard not to hear throughout the bus): Well, in the past week my dog got sick and had to go to the emergency vet, I got hit by a car while riding my bike, and our apartment nearly burned down and the fire department had to come and put it out.

Damn, now that's what The Lone Coyote calls a very bad week.

Infidelity

Overheard on the bus:

Early 20s woman: (very loudly to her flaming gay friend) Don't you just love Billie Holiday?
Her friend: Yeah, her stuff is cool.
Early 20s woman: Me and my ex-boyfriend used to put Billie Holiday on in the winter, light a fire in the fireplace, and made love on the couch like every night.
Her friend: Really!?!
Early 20s woman: It was so fucking romantic. (Sighs) Sometimes I miss him, but I know I'm better off without him.
Her friend: Really? Why?
Early 20s woman: He was such a sweet guy and so good to me. I was just too young and not ready to be with him.
Her friend: What happened?
Early 20s woman: I totally cheated on him with all these other guys. I fucked like four other people. (smiles) In a way I don't really regret it because it was fun.

After Work

At a bus stop outside the county hospital.

Man (clad in dirty jeans and a T-shirt, carrying a backpack, talking to no one in particular): I got my meds, got my meds got my meds.

(He moves closer to a woman in scrubs)

Man (to woman): I got my meds and I got out of the hospital today. The psych hospital.

Woman (avoiding eye contact): Mmmhmmm.

Man (looking around): I like it here. It's much better than Miami where I came from. People here are much nicer.

Woman (still avoids contact): Mmmhmmm.

Man (looking around some more): Hey, isn't that a liquor store over there?

Woman (not looking at him or the liquor store): Mmmmhmmm.

Man: Whoa, in all the cities I've been to, I've never seen a liquor store that close to a hospital. (long pause)
Well, I guess those doctors need to do and get drunk after work when they spend their days dealing with crazy people like me!

Welcome

Welcome to The Lone Coyote's newest blog. If you hopped over from my past life as a medical student, be aware that this blog is going to be a bit different. This is not a medical blog. In fact, it might aptly be subtitled "Anything But Residency." There may be some time when medical things are mentioned, but overall this one is going to look at the sites and sounds of life in the city. My inspiration for this is more along the lines of Overheard in New York than any of my medical blogging heroes. If you have enjoyed my random observations on life outside the hospital, you may enjoy this blog as well. So if you're on board sit tight or grab on tightly to the handrail above you because this is going to be a wild ride.